Monday, August 17, 2009

Ramblings of a very tired Tanya

I will warn you that this post my seem really random.. its just a bunch of ramblings going on in my head. I guess you can say I always have acted like i thought the world revolved around me. In fact i think i even remember my mom telling me several times growing up that it didn't. I am a control freak. I need to be in control or i freak out. this is something that i would not consider a better quality of mine. I think this is were faith comes in to play. I need more faith in so many things. there are so many people I admire for their faith. I love the conference talk given by Elder Simmons, May 2004 titled 'But if Not'. I heard it on my mission and i think of it always. i will try this link for you but i don't know how to do it the fancy way.

There are so many things I want more control over. I wish we had more control over our finances, i wish that Devin was graduating now, i wish i had control over my weight... but in the end i do have control i believe. this life is a life of choices. We can chose to do the best we can in any situation we are put in. We chose to be happy. We chose to take control of what we can and then have faith that the Lord will provide the way.
So tonight i was thinking of EVERY single thing i wish i did better. i don't know why i do this, it usually makes me feel so inadequate. I decided then that i just need to go back to what i felt like was a great time in my life and when i felt like i truly was working hand and hand with the Lord and didn't need "control" over everything. Yes, i need to live a missionary life again. I need order and i need goals and i need agendas... not only do i need this but my family does too. so to start off my new way of living i am making a "I WILL" list. this list is what i will do from here on out no questions asked no excuses anymore.. these are the things that if i do them i know i will be happier.

~I will read and really STUDY my scriptures everyday 20 minutes.
~I will begin and end my day with prayer
~I will listen to more uplifting music more often
~I will be a 100% Visiting Teacher every month
~I will not go to bed with a dirty kitchen
~I will keep up with laundry better
~I will play with my kids more and spend less time on the computer
~I will do a new craft once a month
~I will make a monthly budget and live by it
~I will water our yard and trees every other day
~I will eat healthy
~I will exercise
~I will serve in my calling happily
~I will serve others
~I will spend more quality time with Devin
~I will read to the kids everyday
~I will attend the temple more regularly.
~I will have FHE every week
~I will have family prayers everyday
~I will remember to brush Ezra's teeth everyday ( i don't know why this one is hard for me)
~I will not eat out more than 2x a month
~I will be happy
~I will develop a new talent (preferably in the guitar)
~I will love my self better
~I will make a to do list every night and follow it
~I will be a better wife, mother, sister, daughter, and friend
~I will pray for more missionary opportunities
~I will not act out in anger
~I will not criticize
~I will trust
~I will be obedient
~I will Love

These are things i should be doing already, but I don't. Not as consistently as i would like anyway. So I am starting New. What better time than now, right?! Some of them probably seem really silly too, but they are things that need to be done and if i have to write a post it note to remind myself to brush Ezra's teeth or water the yard.. then i will!
I have to stop and remind myself too there is a time and season for everything. I just need to be patient and have faith.


The Morris Family said...

I could seriously just print your list off for myself! I think sometimes we feel so overwhelmed that we do nothing. You have inspired me to do better!

Carly Jane said...

I was just thinking the other day that I need a more regular schedule (even if I can't predict times... I can predict the order... as in, I will read in the scriptures before I go on the computer-that one's really hard for me). I wonder if you give yourself enough credit. Don't be too hard on yourself! At the same time I know those really humbling, down low kind of moments are the ones that make us better. You can do it! Love you.

ps. I think you should also make a list of things you do well (even the semi-well things should appear). You'd be surprised how long that list is too.

Amelia and Elliott Smith said...

I find it interesting that most of us strive to live by a schedule, and we know it will make us more happy and our our lives less clutter SO WHY IS IT SO HARD?!! Everything on your list applies to me except for watering the yard. Here's for a better us! By the way, let's do something this Friday. I've been a crazy lady, sorry for being a bad friend!

Newman Family said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Newman Family said...

Amen, you sound like me. I think it is not the accomplishing your goals that is great, it's the trying. Perfection is a journey not a destination.

P.S. Remember to take a deep breath!

Cami and Phil said...

You sound very devoted! I hope it works well for you. I have those days too where I just feel like crap and unaccomplished! Which, your list is what I should be doing too... just don't be too hard on yourself. Start with the basics and move up from there. You will get it. I need to work on myself ALOT too! Thanks for your inspiring words!

Crockett said...

It is a long list, but a good one. I feel you on the brushing of teeth thing. I dont' know why, but it is sometimes hard to remember. I think i'm getting it now, but Brent hates it soooo much!!! He crys every time. We should hang out more

Suzi said...

Your doing great Tanya, just to get a list going is the first step. (that I haven't done yet) I would love to do that tumbling class with Maysa, that is a great idea. I just hope we can get moved into our house soon and start doing fun stuff like that.

Jocey said...

I am going to copy/paste ok? I think you are the most beautiful amazing person I know, I just love when I see you!